¿Como se dice.. waterbed?

Admirable persistence in the face of adversity

2008-10-25T08:49:00.000+01:00

Help a bald brother out

2008-09-06T15:22:00.000+01:00

Hybrid cars

2008-09-03T17:33:00.003+01:00

If you are feeling the pinch, I suggest saving petrol by taking advantage of hamster power.

Harness the natural zest, enthusiasm and love of life of hamsters by placing them inside your car tyres. This will take advantage of the 'hamster wheel effect' and add a natural, renewable source of power to your car.

Note that food for the hamsters would need to be fed through the air valve.

Quote of the day

2008-08-10T22:52:00.000+01:00

"There is no such thing as fun for the whole family"

Jerry Seinfeld

The Olympics: why I am uneasy

2008-08-08T09:00:00.006+01:00

And yet, and yet. I don't know how to respond to the fact that this Olympics is being held in China.

Amnesty International's monitoring involves four main areas: repression of activists, detention without trial, censorship and the death penalty.
Each of these areas give cause for concern.

This of course is without mentioning China's actions in Tibet. AI's last report says "The recent protests in Tibet and Tibetan-populated areas of surrounding provinces and the subsequent crackdown and media silence imposed by authorities highlighted not only longstanding and unresolved violations of fundamental human rights but also on-going censorship of the media."

Today, as the ceremony proceeds, there are people being tortured by the state because of what they believe or say. At least one person will be executed for one of 68 crimes punishable by death.

I am not sure how to react, but I do think there is something in the 'shining a light on the issue' viewpoint. The more we open a society to outside influence, the more we understand and the closer we come to change. It's understanding that brings change.

But this doesn't leave me feeling anything other than uneasy.

One Olympics, one world, one party state.

The Olympics: why I care

2008-08-08T08:41:00.007+01:00

I have never really got into the Olympics before now. I am not sure why, because I love sport. It's possibly because I've never played any of the sports except hockey, and I suppose running. Though my running can hardly be described as running running.

But now I've changed, and I'm excited about these Olympics. I think this is a natural result of several factors, not least that as you get older your circle of interest expands, from self, to community to world. Though there's also possibly a London effect happening - I can't wait for the world's attention to focus on London.

I am also more of an observer of sport now, rather than a participant. I have finally realised that I am no longer going to be a world class sportsman, which is something that crept up on me only gradually. (Is it too late? Even for shooting?) So, I am free to enjoy sport for the story it tells about the world, rather than the story it tells about me.

Next, I believe in the power of sport. It certainly saved and enhanced my life. I think it's essential for human development to experience sport, or at least exercise, and I see it as key to unlocking the broken lives of some of our young men, in particular.

And I also believe in sport as a great unifier. I doubt there is anything that has done more to combat racism in the world than sport. Certainly, in Britain football's contribution to tackling racism can't be underestimated. We've come a long way since John Barnes was pelted with bananas. And it was Barnes' reaction to the pelting that started the journey. The experience of South Africa adds to the argument. And so, yes, I suppose I am arguing there is something about the Olympic spirit and that sport can be used to mend lives, societies and even international relations.

But perhaps above all, the Olympics is interesting because of the stories that it produces. At the last Olympics, there was 0.545 seconds worth of difference between five Gold and Silver medals for Britain. Half a second between 5! That's a lifetime of effort and 4 years of dreaming, boiled down to about a tenth of a second each. Inevitably, this leads to astonishing stories and if anyone doubts the power of these stories they should read The Meaning of Sport by Simon Barnes, the greatest of all sporting storytellers, or follow his blog.

Risk maagement and cricket

2008-08-01T20:00:00.004+01:00

Cricket, like baseball, is a game of percentages, statistics and risk. Test match cricket is the ultimate sporting experiment. Is the effect when one side is batting and the other bowling reversed when the roles are reversed?

Over two innings and five days, the best side usually wins. The reason why Test Match cricket is the greatest of all games is because of the character, skill and intelligence that it calls upon each of the players to display.

Today was a great example. Kevin Pieterson, who is the most talented batsman in the world, was beginning to turn the match around for England, who've been in deep trouble for the whole game. Another hour or two from Pieterson and England would have been favourites to win. Pieterson went for glory - a 6 to bring up his hundred - and got out. Earlier, Ian Bell had given his wicket away to the first ball of a new spell by Makhaya Ntini.

The reason this is significant is that both incidents will contribute to England losing the game - it was high stakes. And second, both could have been avoided by a calm assessment of what was worth a risk and what wasn't. This may sound obvious, but I would provide England with the following statistics:

1. How many deliveries into a new spell does the risk of playing an attacking shot diminish?
2. Which shots carry the highest risk and against which bowlers?
3. How many deliveries after an interval does the risk of getting out diminish?
4. Who has the best strike rate (balls per wicket taken) and who has the lowest in the opposition bowling? The idea would be to attack those with the lowest and defend against those with the highest.
5. In-match updates of risk factors.
6. Risk analysis of near misses, especially to provide 5.
7. Regression analysis on the factors which go into scoring a century (i.e. caution after an interval, against a new ball bowler, against the best bowlers)
8. Average levels of (composite) risk taken per ball to score a century.

I am convined that if a risk mindset could be established as part of a batsman's thinking, results would rapidly follow.

Jerry knows

2008-08-01T19:50:00.003+01:00

Jerry Seinfeld, tells a story to an aspiring comic, who clearly isn't getting it. But I get it. Do you?

Bad waxworks

2008-07-23T16:37:00.007+01:00

I don't think I've ever seen anything quite as brilliant as these astonishingly lifelike waxworks. Is it even worthwhile asking who they are?

Princess Diana, Prince Charles
Tom Jones and Shirely Bassey
Richard Burton and Diana Dors (obviously!)

Crack new music

2008-07-21T16:19:00.001+01:00

In a year which I am sure is noticeably lacking in great new music, I have to concede that the current number 1, Dance Wiv Me by Bow's favourite son Dizzee Rascal, is surely the equivalent of musical crack. I've been singing it for two days solid.

And I want to be your latex salesman.

I am who I am

2008-07-12T22:04:00.003+01:00

People talk a lot these days about keeping it real. Being true to yourself. People talk about wanting other people to like you for who you are. Women especially always say how they want a man to love the 'real' them.

I've worked out I'm the opposite.

I just want people to like me for who I pretend to be.

Risk

2008-07-05T13:49:00.002+01:00

To laugh is to risk appearing a fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out for another is to risk involvement.
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas, your dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss.

To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To hope is to risk despair.
To try is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken,
because the greatest danger in life
is to risk nothing.

Those who risk nothing, do nothing,
achieve nothing, become nothing.
They may avoid suffering and sorrow,
but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live.
Chained by their certitude they are a slave,
they have forfeited their freedom.
Only a person who risks all that he cannot keep,
to have whatever he cannot lose, is truly free.

Adapted By Simon Reynolds, who went to work in the townships of South Africa, and died there aged 21.

Meaning at work

2008-06-29T18:38:00.003+01:00

A fascinating article in today's Times about a man who left a highly paid position at Microsoft to go and do something more meaningful. On the way he lost his girlfriend and all his savings. Ooh, a bit like me then!

Radiohead in my local park

2008-06-24T19:32:00.004+01:00

Went for a run this evening and who should be playing there but the world's greatest band, Radiohead.

Confirms my suspicion that not only is London the bets place to live in the world but East London is clearly the coolest part of London. North London a close second, way ahead of posh and self satisfied West and South.

Not that I'm going mind. I lost all my coolness circa 2003. And even then it wasn't much. I'm hoping I'm getting so uncool that soon I become cool. Like my Stepdad's bright orange trousers.

The Irish keep gatecrashing

2008-06-13T22:05:00.003+01:00

What a glorious victory for common sense from an unlikely quarter in unlikely circumstances (all the main parties were for the treaty). Of course, European bureaucrats are already thinking of ways to ignore the vote, just as they always do. Our own Foreign Minister says we must press on with ratification.

But for now the people have spoken: we don't want a common Europe. Free trade yes, more politics and bureaucracy, a firm no.

Studying infinity

2008-06-13T01:06:00.002+01:00

I watched a programme about infinity the other night, as you do, called Dangerous Knowledge. Fascinating it was too.

Apparently, infinity comes in different sizes. If you imagine a circle, it is possible to draw an infinite number of lines from the centre to its edge. However, if you then draw another, bigger circle round that circle and extend the lines then you will have gaps beteen the (extended) lines thereby proving that infinity depends on context.

But even more interesting was listening to how great minds like Cantor, Turing and Godel found that there are limits to maths and science. That the ultimate conclusion of logic, was illogical. Turing died essentially trying to prove unprovability.

This surely cuts to the heart of all academia, not least the realisation that even maths and science are forms of art. But second, it shows how all the academic disciplines from philosophy to maths are grounded in humanity. They are all flawed, all illogical. And our attempt to understand the world and impose order on it are all ultimately doomed.

This gave me hope for psychology, as by studying the human directly in 'real life' circumstances, one imposes order through science and yet acknowledges the limits of doing this. This is the scientist practitioner approach, which is at the heart of Bloom Psychology.

Pilot test

2008-06-12T23:40:00.001+01:00

If anyone feels like doing this then I'd be hugely grateful! It takes 5 minutes.

Click Here to take survey

The winner is...

2008-06-12T00:05:00.004+01:00

So, 12 hugely entertaining if frustrating weeks (from the perspective of the brainless editing which treated the audience like retarded Albanian sprout pickers) and we finally have a winner.

Some truly disgusting antics (Jenny), backstabbing (Alex), outright lying (Michael, pretty much everyone) and many hilarious moments and we learned who was to be Sirallan's apprentice.

4 made it to the final, then 2, and I feared the moment that Claire would be handed the role for her so-called 'transformation'. But you'd need a very large transformation to come back from stabbing a good man in the back.

And after it all, when all the shenanigans are over...

the best human being won.

Ants...useless

2008-06-09T17:00:00.003+01:00

Don't tell me that ants know what they're doing or how well they work together as a team. I watched some today and they are useless. Don't even bother is my advice.

Challenges...

2008-06-09T10:27:00.003+01:00

Today I read about a bike race across America which is completed in 1 WEEK. It's called the Race Across America (RAAM).

Every time I read about challenges like this, like the majority of people I suspect, I long to do it and never do. There is always an excuse: the Marathon des Sables is too expensive and the waiting list too long, the race through the Sahara is the prospect of death, the RAAM how do you cope and enjoy it without sleep?

But let's stoke the fascination and continue to be excited because one day the excuses might stop.

If you are fascinated too and want to know more - you can follow the team here.

Macca vs Larry

2008-06-02T12:55:00.004+01:00

Had a near implosion of semi-orgasmic nirvana last night, when Paul McCartney played Anfield and finished in time to allow me to watch Larry David on Curb. It was like being caressed by angels then shagged by the devil. Marvellous.

Macca is of course deeply embarrassing with his 'let me hear you say yeah-eh' and perky demeanour (even during Yesterday), but as I've said before I can forgive this man anything because of what he's done, and what he represents.

I don't know why he holds this place in my life. It's perhaps that music is processed by the part of the brain which does not articulate, so that for some reason the music of the Beatles is likely to express some deeply felt emotion that typically I don't talk about. Or it could just be because that the Beatles are the greatest songwriters ever, by a country mile.

So Macca is the sugary, eternally upbeat perky Dad-at-the-disco cringemaker, who can be forgiven anything because of his place in society and unparalleled songwriting genius. Meanwhile Larry David continues to represent the darker side, an almost equal genius, who says the unsayable and does the undoable and who is, as his advert says, all of us.

There was a moment when I had to decide whether to turn off Macca early to watch Larry or tune over to establish the crucial early plot which you always need to do with Curb.

Macca won. But someone will lend me the DVDs.

Cancelling Sky

2008-05-29T16:37:00.006+01:00

I like TV. I love live sport, I love Seinfeld, I love The Office, Peep Show, and crap like Californication. I love reality TV. I love the occasional documentary. I like watching Girls Aloud on MTV. There, I've said it.

But TV is not compatible with my new life. I can't afford the time and, given I'm now pressing ahead with a new business, I can't afford the Sky subscription either. So for the first time in 18 years, I've cancelled it.

Instead my new life involves more of these:

I read 3 books over the bank holiday, for pleasure. Books are good aren't they?

I'm a survivor...

2008-05-29T08:33:00.004+01:00

I'm not gon' stop, I'm gon' work harder.

Well I'm not because firstly I'm going to have a ruddy good sit down. Phew. That was long, difficult and unpleasant, like a James Joyce novel. I had to lie on my sofa for 3 days afterwards - it's funny how tiredness builds and how much our bodies are under the control of our brains. Mine basically ordered me to rest.

I'm not sure what I learned from the whole thing, but certainly now I'm thinking like a psychologist. I can't prove this of course, but the likelihood of my hypothesis occurring by chance is less than 5%.

And now, a new plan.

Umm Bongo

2008-05-16T16:00:00.003+01:00

Do they really drink it in the Congo?

So...

2008-05-14T07:25:00.001+01:00

In we go. My daring (well, it feels daring to me) 5 year career change plan effectively takes me up to the end of these exams, which finish next Tuesday. So I'll be needing a new one. This one has left me poorer, older, tireder, but wiser, happier and more hopeful.

One last hideous leg to get through first. See you on the other side...and now one last reminder, the world's greatest ever advert, of what we should all be trying to do beause frankly VERY SOON WE'LL ALL BE DEAD:

Some revision stats

2008-05-07T18:17:00.006+01:00

Now, I like a good statistic, but not as much as Dan, so given the customer-centric nature of this blog here are some stats to help him out. He requested some information about my revision. Now, revision is somewhat subjective, and much of what I'm doing is learning for the first, not second, time. We called this 'vising' not 'revision', and the estimated vising / revision ratio is:

80:20

For every 1 item of knowledge I knew (and revised) I am learning 4 new items (vised).

Other figures:

Estimated number of hours vised / revised to date: 210 (21/34 days total)
Estimated hours to go: 130 (11 days to go)
Total time elapsed: 62%
Total info memorised (vised): 50%
Procrastination %: 20% (per day)
Procrastination % (total since start of vision): 40%
Average number of hours at desk: 12
Hours at desk today: 14
Panic factor: 3/10 (rising)
Boredom factor: 8/10 (falling)

I wanted to show an upward curve of effort to time but my excel skills are now so limited I kept on producing a graph which had % vised totalling 200% by the exams - which Iassure you is not the case. Pathetic. Dan, help.

A rough breakdown of time spent per day is as follows:

Shelterbox, Myanmar and the fleet of foot

2008-05-06T18:04:00.003+01:00

A friend of mine, T, recently completed the Shelterbox challenge which you can read about here.

I heard on the news today that Shelterbox has managed - where governments have failed - to gain access to the scene of the disaster in Myanmar (is it called Burma again now?) to distribute their amazing boxes and no doubt save lives right at the frontline of the disaster. This really does seem to be a great example of a fleet-footed charity making a meaningful contribution where other larger charities (not to mention Governments) cannot.

And though this is in contrast to T, who must be feeling anything other than fleet footed having lugged that enormous box about, well done for completing the challenege but more importantly raising awareness and money for what seems an amazing charity doing incredible work. Go support.

Observations

2008-05-02T19:42:00.007+01:00

1. I noticed the first murmurings of disapproval from people after not voting yesterday. First time in my life. Is it because I'm old and you are too? Will be interesting to see turnout figures.
2. But do we really need more elected politicians? Does anyone actually know how power for council / local authority / regional assemblies / Mayors / MPs / MEPs breaks down?
3. Does anyone care?
4. I would love to know how the greatest city in the world ended up with a choice between a reformed Trotskyite pseudo revolutionary crony-favouring lizard and an irrelevant Toff.
5. I still don't trust David Cameron.
6. Gordon Brown looks increasingly like a a plastic head on a stick.
7. The weather is shit. Secretly I'm glad.
8. The BBC News really does look like Brass Eye these days. ITV news has done so since before Brass Eye.
9. The Apprentice editors are now looking like bigger idiots than those on the show, and that's saying something after that little toerag Kevin in the week. Their lack of nuance, and faith in our ability to detect subtlety is surely plumbing new depths. Please, just show us what happened.
10. Toe rag. One word? What is a toe rag? Toe rag. It's a rag specifically for toes.
11. Peep Show is back. Best Britsh comedy since Spaced.
12. I like you, and ft you can't handle me liking you, you can just fuck off.

People who are good at statistics

2008-04-28T22:53:00.003+01:00

I'm drawn to them. I really like them. And I don't know why.

There's one, Herb Blumberg (below), who creates an audible sigh whenever he comes into the lecture theatre. I'd quite like him to be my real Dad. There's another who always wears a jumper and my heart always sort of breaks when he starts talking. V necks. Still another who was so spectacularly bad at explaining simple concepts and yet lectured with such massive integrity that nobody really minded.

I think the reason is that people who aren't good at maths or stats recognise that people who are are an entirely different species. And they spend time, fruitlessly usually, trying to tell us a bit about their strange world which we know is important but can never really understand. We'll take your word for it. You seem to be convinced, and that's good enough for me. If it's a logistic regression you want, I'll do one. Just show me how one more time.

My journey in psychology has had many twists and turns, but it has been massively enriched by everyone who has tried to teach me stats. And so this one is for statisticians, and those (roughly 70.1% of the population) who love them.

Off

2008-04-24T16:51:00.002+01:00

to the European City of Culture 2008 for a week.

Time

2008-04-24T11:21:00.002+01:00

Time drags. It's 11:20 and I thought it was 11:45. I feel disappointed and bored. Time feels like my enemy. I want it to pass. I want to be closer to the end of all this reading.

But I know that with 2 or 3 days to go time will be racing, and I'll look back 3 weeks and see that actually time was my friend. I just didn't recognise it. And I didn't value it properly.

For Mrs Harrison (sorry Norville)

2008-04-17T12:18:00.002+01:00

The Apprentice...and legacy

2008-04-17T12:14:00.003+01:00

Watched The Apprentice tonight - utterly addictive as usual. This episode was remarkable for the fact that a truly impressive man got fired, Simon Smith. Yes, he was brash at the beginning and yes he lost control. But this was a man who can be proud of his legacy on the programme. Here was a man who knew his strengths and limitations and played to them. He was honest. He tried to win. And virtually no one else can say the same.

Seriously, don't people care about their own integrity?

Nearly everyone else who spoke on the show lied openly. Nearly everyone who spoke played politics and spent most of the time maneouvering for position in the hope that if their team lost, they could shift the blame.

Do people care only about winning at all costs?

Tom Peters talks about the idea of legacy. Not for a life, a career or even 15 minutes of fame on a reality TV show. He talks about the legacy of today.

So what will today's legacy be for you?

99 problems...

2008-04-15T23:17:00.002+01:00

Accurate portrayal of my life currently:

Exam time

2008-04-11T14:05:00.005+01:00

So, for the third time in as many years I brace myself for exams. It's ridiculous at my age, but at least I can see light at the end of the tunnel: these should be the last exams I ever do. However, it doesn't hide te fact that I have to battle with exams. I don't keep up with work, like a diligent girl, I cram like a proper man. So when the exams roll around, I have to lock them in mortal combat. I grapple with them, like a sweaty sumo wrestler, losing all dignity and perspective along the way.

I make hugely complex work plans and stick to them. I cease contact with the outside world. I eat well and exercise. I talk to myself. I sing along to music. The radio becomes my best friend. Contact with shop owners is an event to savour. I constantly have to force myself back to my desk. Waking up is depressing.

Will it be worth it? I don't know. But I have put my heart and soul into finding the right route for me. So I assume that I won't be going far wrong in terms of doing what I am good at. And if I am doing what I am good at, then exams should be easy.

Enough procrastination. Prepare for a lot of psychology related posts. See you on the other side.

Fitness

2008-04-05T16:26:00.003+01:00

Whilst I ramble on about nothing, living up the this blog's title, I know many of you are concerned about my fitness. People are meeting in village halls up and down the country to ask: yes, but what about the runs round the park? How are the new trainers? People are no doubt thinking of writing in their thousands to demand an update.

Well, the new trainers are fine, the I regret to inform you that the body is less fine. I am the same weight as last year, but less fit. I am niggly when I run, so I don't enjoy it as much. Whereas this time last year I was bouncing round the park and setting records in June (16:30) and August (16:25) today I loped round in a miserable 18:53.

It's time to redouble efforts. Cut excuses. To fight the advancing years.

Today I saw an old man of about 65 shuffling round the park, slowly but not inexpertly. A few years ago I may have seen only his ludicrous tight shorts and a vest. Today I saw a role model.

I proclaim this the summer of George

2008-03-31T20:10:00.002+01:00

And it started today.

Brian Keenan

2008-03-31T14:47:00.001+01:00

Hero.

Blimey...it's Obama, apparently

2008-03-28T13:09:00.000Z

I read with surprise that Obama is virtually now assured of the Democratic nomination.

Surprise because I had no idea this was the case, in fact from my hurried scans of last weekend's papers it seemed that Clinton was in fact favourite, especially given these 'revelations' about Jeremiah Wright.

Perhaps I was distracted by charts showing that against McCain, Clinton was well behind, and Obama still behind but less so. Anyway, it appears Obama will be the Democratic candidate.

I think I'm pleased, I don't really know why. I think it's because I want people to like America again, an only Obama can do that, in my view. I can't bring myself to fully trust Clinton. She looks and sounds a bit shifty, and definitely desperate. And she likes Heather Mills.

There's only one thing funnier....

2008-03-28T11:49:00.003Z

than someone getting the giggles. That's a serious Radio 4 news reader getting the giggles whilst reading someone's obituary.

Enjoy.

My new favourite number: phi

2008-03-26T00:21:00.002Z

This number phi makes pi look like an unemployed layabout from Wrexham!

I read this here and it should interest all photographers, designers, mathematicians, and probably Dan:

Phi is the ratio underpinning a division that has become known by various names: golden rectangle, golden ratio and golden mean among them.

If line A is divided into two sections, one larger than the other (B and C), the golden ratio is achieved where A/B = B/C.

This ratio is 1.6180339887

The golden ratio features in nature and the dimensions of the human body, from DNA right up to the solar system and has been used by man throughout architecture, art and music. The Egyptians understood it when erecting the great Pyramids and the Ancient Greek buildings are full of these golden ratios.

Although this ratio has been rediscovered throughout time, one undisputed milestone in its history was the Fibonacci number series. In the 12th century Fibonacci produced a series of numbers by adding together pairs of numbers.

0, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55, 89, 144,

(0+1=1, 1+1=2, 1+2=3, 2+3=5, 3+5=8É)

The ratio between each successive pair gets closer and closer to Phi as you progress through the series.

Once you start splitting a golden rectangle by the ratio, you can keep sub-splitting it down forever. The spiral this produces exactly matches the growth of the Nautilus shell in nature. Yes, it's all getting a little freaky now.

far and away

2008-03-26T00:00:00.002Z

I was exploring the murky world (to me, at least) of RSS feeds and came across Awasu who claim to be:

"far and away one of your best choices"

A less than ringing self-endorsement?

The language of...Microsoft?

2008-03-24T21:40:00.003Z

For reasons I won't go into, I'm reviewing lots of presentations (in Powerpoint) at the moment. And I've had to create a few too.

What struck me is how easy it is to fall into the way of thinking that the templates encourage. In other words, title, big heading, the host of supporting bullets. Maybe some clip art. Even a photo if one is feeling really dangerous.

Foucault argued that language structures thought, and that therefore language structures and limits thinking.

Could the same be true of Powerpoint? Or is this just a cultural problem; a user error?

The Curse of Cursing

2008-03-24T21:01:00.000Z

Is that like Tourettes?

Furniture Village

2008-03-24T21:00:00.001Z

It's a village of furniture.

The Curse of Powerpoint

2008-03-24T00:06:00.004Z

For years I've railed against Powerpoint - I was doing it when it wasn't even trendy, like it is now. But this slide pack on the brilliant Presentation Zen blog does the job so much better than me. Hilarious.

| View | Upload your own

Now here's the real thing. Enjoy.

Macca

2008-03-22T22:44:00.004Z

I listened to a broadcast by Paul McCartney last year. I'm not even going to START on the whole Heather Mills thing, but he mentioned this band, the Guillemots and so instantly I went out and bought the album. It was pretty good at the time and I really liked it.

Two or three weeks ago I put it on again and my GOD. It is so good now. Like wine, it seems to have come of age. I cannot stop listening to it. It is heartbreaking and gorgeous and I recommend it to everyone. They have a new album out too, I think, as a sort of bonus.

But love was not enough to hold my grip
Can't you just feel my fingers slip
Into those oceans in the sky where people swim
Oceans in the sky calling me in
Oceans in the sky I tell myself
Though I'm not kidding anybody else
They know I'm leaving
They know that I'm leaving this behind

So I'm leaving my best friend
Just for the hell of it
Just for the sake of it
But how much I loved you

I think we're alone now it isn't.

This is very much how I play football too...

2008-03-22T22:43:00.000Z

I was Neston Nomad of the Year in 1988, after all.

Happiness and meaning

2008-03-22T22:26:00.002Z

When talking about happiness, psychologists distinguish between hedonic pleasure and eudaimonic pleasure. Hedonic pleasures might be what we understand by being 'happy' and eudaimonia might be what we understand by 'content' or 'satisfied'. One is charatcerised as pleasure (eating, sex, laughing) the other achievement (satisfaction of a job well done, overcoming difficulties to succeed, experiencing 'flow').

We often look down on hedonic pleasures, as though they are somehow less rarefied or worthy than eudaimonia. But psychologists have shown that the two are in fact interrelated. Eudaimonia is consistently accompanied by feelings of happiness. Enjoyment is routinely paired with eudaimonia. Indeed, 'flow' (the feeling of being completely absorbed in a task) is more likely to occur if one is in a happy mood. Happiness appears to heighten an individual’s capacity to discriminate between meaningful and meaningless experiences.

Why is this?

Nature rewards us for activities that are essential to survival. Those activities tend to be hedonic: eating, drinking, sex. Happiness in this form is often sneered at, perhaps because there are characterised as lower or vulgar pleasures.

But happiness is also linked to meaningful activities. Being absorbed in a task, trying, winning from a difficult situation, achieving something - these are all activities which have an evolutionary cost in terms of energy and time. Yet nature rewards us for doing them.

Happiness may play a role in enhancing the experience of meaning .... lending hedonic reinforcement to these eudaimonic endeavors
Professor Laura King, 2007.

In other words, nature rewards activities that it favours. By rewarding meaningful activities, it reinforces them.

Truly, humans are unique in this respect. Nature rewards survival and procreation. But it also rewards effort and being exceptional. To be truly human, we must strive to achieve.

The Curse of Emoticons

2008-03-22T10:09:00.006Z

It seems strange that people allow other people to get away with emoticons. Emoticons are fine for anyone under the age of about 25. Until that age, the cost of someone mistaking something you write (e.g. taking it seriously if it's a joke and vice versa) is perhaps too high. Your social standing at that age is crucial, so I can understand it to an extent. Second, your writing skills are probably not fully formed so once again it is a little more permissible. But after the age of 30? It's worse than grammatical errors.

But everywhere I see it. From women and men, irrespective of age. It combines with this trend too, which is worrying.

Those who defend emoticons often say that it helps us understand what the writer is trying to convey. Well that's great, but we seemed to manage pretty well without them before this wretched epidemic. Shakespeare didn't help his actors by writing:

All? What, all my pretty chickens and their dam At one fell swoop? :(

Jane Austen didn't write:

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife ;)

No. Writers relied on their own skill and the intelligence of the reader to deduce their own meaning from what was written. In Shakespeare's case, this has led to glorious reinterpretation throughout the ages and a deepening of understanding of what it is to be human.

Emoticons are a safety barrier for toddlers, designed for those who can't write properly or don't trust the intelligence of their readers. Give power back to the reader and to the written word. Cast them off, and bravely step back into the future.

Band of the Noughties...

2008-03-20T13:40:00.001Z

1960s - The Beatles
1970s - Abba
1980s - U2
1990s - Radiohead
2000s - ???

Suggestions on a postcard please.

Do I shop well?

2008-03-12T17:49:00.003Z

Due to the interest in the items in my trolley, here is the full list of purchases for tomorrow's delivery. How do these rate in terms of lifestyle choices and value for money? I'd be interested to know.

Products you've ordered

Cupboard
1 Bleach Waitrose £0.72
2 Bold Bold Spa Minerals Liquid Bottle £4.53
1 Bonne Maman Berries & Cherries Conserve £1.75
2 Bottlegreen Lemongrass with Ginger Cordial £3.31
1 Calgon Express Ball Tablets £6.99
2 Colgate Total Advanced Fresh Toothpaste £3.22
1 Courgettes Waitrose £1.09
1 Denbies Surrey Gold £5.49
1 Forest Feast Dried Berries & Cherries £2.69
1 Green Giant Sweetcorn Niblets £0.64
1 Kellogg's All-Bran £0.99
2 Loyd Grossman Tomato & Chargrilled Vegetable Sauce £3.48
2 Loyd Grossman Tomato & Chilli Pasta Sauce £3.48
1 Mixed Peppers Waitrose £1.38
1 Phillips Classictone White Round Lustres 40W SES £2.69
1 Reduced Sugar Blackcurrant Jam Waitrose £1.19
2 Right Guard Time Released Anti Perspirant Original £4.78
1 Seeds of Change Organic Garlic&Chilli Pasta Sauce £1.78
2 Ultra Soft Toilet Tissue White Waitrose £5.50

Fridge
1 Activia Cherry Fat Free Yogurt £1.57
3 Activia Fibre Kiwi £4.00
3 Activia Raspberry Yoghurt £4.00
2 Broccoli Waitrose £2.78
1 Bunch of Salad Onions Waitrose £0.59
2 Cauliflower & Broccoli Florets Waitrose £2.08
1 Cucumber Waitrose £0.69
3 Cup Mushrooms Waitrose £2.37
1 Flora Pro-Activ Spread £3.99
1 Spinach Waitrose £1.09
6 Vegetable Curry Waitrose £14.44

Freezer
4 Perfectly Balanced Tropical Sticks Waitrose £8.60

Students

2008-03-12T14:04:00.002Z

Now, I love being a student, and I love many things about students. But some of them are monumentally stupid and / or detached from reality.

Today I listened to some students at Strathclyde University responding to the Budget on radio 5. One was doing a Phd in Accountancy and he argued that it was merely tinkering at the edges and that:

1. Instead we should look at stopping 'imperialist wars'.
2. We should look at the 'prevailing culture of unemployment'.
3. Students are living in poverty and would stop drinking if the prices go up.

No doubt he also wants an 'end to all wars' and 'money for jobs'. Anyway, truly ludicrous on all counts.

For all those with special dietary requirements

2008-03-10T22:47:00.004Z

You'll be pleased to know that tasty Ocado fuses now come free rom Gluten, egg, wheat, milk / lactose, nuts and yeast. Another load off your mind.

Lend me some sugar! I am your neighbour!

2008-03-09T22:34:00.001Z

Sometimes I wonder what my neighbours think of me when I sing along (very loudly) to various tunes. I do like a good singalong when I work, and sometimes this must be strange for those walking past my window.

I'm f*cking Peter Kay

2008-03-09T22:28:00.000Z

Thought you should know.

Lists and inaction

2008-03-09T18:43:00.003Z

I resolved to blog more in 2008, and I am not doing so. This could be taken as evidence that lists don't work, and by extension that resolutions are useless.

I disagree.

The simple fact is that 'write blog' is no longer appearing on my to do lists. I am simply too busy, and I am recognising this fact on a daily basis. It is not the priority it was, because I have new priorities.

This supports my contention that we must review our to do lists with absolute rigour. To do lists represent our life. Would you be happy with today's to do list as a template for your life? As an obituary? Does it contain the main themes which you want represented in your life? Does it reflect the style in which you want to live your life?

I am not blogging regularly, because blogging has become slightly less important to me than other things. It is this decision which needs analysis, not the practice of list making or goal setting itself.

Inaction

2008-03-05T19:47:00.003Z

Hello, my People. I do consider you my people as well. You may have noticed that I have not posted for a while and that, indeed 2008 has been a complete washout in terms of both quality and quantity of posts. 2007 seems like the golden age of blogging.

What I wonder is whether the gap between posts is at all normally distributed? In other words, if I were to time the gap between posts would I have a few that followed immediately, a few more after a day and the most after, let's say 1.35 days (my approximate 2007 average) and then a steady decline?

I think it probably is normal, with two exceptions. It's probably more likely that if I post I am slightly more likely to post again immediately than to post in half a day as would be expected in a normnal distribution. Second, after a certain period (let's say a week?) I am statistically less likely to post again for another week which would leave me with a 'long tail' in my distribution. This is what happened in February.

I realise that this is utterly pointless, but Dan might like it.

2008-02-15T17:04:00.001Z

Psychology reminder #1

2008-02-13T22:39:00.004Z

For years psychologists could not explain why some tasks proved more difficult in front of an audience and some proved easier.

Zajonc (1965) unified this apparent contradiciton by proposing that audiences produce arousal within those performing the tasks. Quite simply, arousal makes easy tasks easier and hard tasks harder.

Preparation really is the key to successful presentations.

Attention parents

2008-02-07T12:44:00.000Z

FYI

No need to thank me.

The wonder of London

2008-02-02T21:23:00.000Z

London is amazing. Today I met Gloria Coates on the tube. She's a composer. I told her about the long tail and why it might help explain why she is selling so many downloads (I hope I'm right...).

She was off to Wapping and I advised her to get out at Tower Hill and catch a cab so that hopefully she could see Tower Bridge at night. I hope I was right about that too...Although not well-known (not to a peasant like me), due to the enjoyment of our discussion she easily makes my top 10 celebrity 'moments' whilst in London.

The full list is here, for your reading pleasure:

1. Meeting - and shaking hands with - Nelson Mandela outside the Cabinet War Rooms.
2. Doing a comedy scene about Bobby the dog with Harry Hill on Harry Hill's TV Burp
3. Jude Law winking at me - yes winking - when I left the Oxo Tower with a particularly attractive young lady. And yes, I smiled back.
4. Jogging past Gordon Ramsey nearly every Sunday whilst training for two London marathons.
5. Sharing a sofa with Vernon Kay (and, erm, Danny Baker) on GMTV
6. Studying psychology with Martin Sixsmith, who nearly brought down a Government.
7. Making Naomi Campbell laugh on a road outside Victoria Park. She clearly wanted me. I didn't fancy it.
8. Playing street cricket with the England bowler Ed Giddens outside Lords. Truly bizarre. We were all very pissed and used a stick and a crushed up can. At one point we all ran to get on a bus and Ed Giddens did too but no one knew why or where any of us was going.
9.Being in a meeting with Jack Straw. He asked me a question right at the outset of the meeting. I didn't really know what he meant and sort of stammered an answer which was totally inappropriate.
10. Meeting and chatting with Gloria Coates on the District line.

Obama or Clinton?

2008-02-01T16:01:00.000Z

For me Obama, but I know little about the real issues. I just like the way he talks. Electrifying.

I've been away

2008-01-29T18:51:00.000Z

and this is where I went.

LFC

2008-01-25T14:06:00.000Z

The horror, the horror. I was right to be cautious - this is a nightmare.

YNWA

Loss

2008-01-23T22:01:00.000Z

I met my beautiful ex in the local pub after a gap of about a year. She's getting married.

Of course the news transports me back to the heat of the break up. The rising panic and sense of incomprehension. The tiredness. The lack of control.

Then the torture of loss sets in. Anniversaries, smells, running routes round the park, food, habits, old photos, shared jokes, shared friends, shared objects. The silence.

The feeling of sadness tonight is not even from events as such, but a kind of symbolic sadness. It's the formal passing of something; being told that it is now final, when it was final months ago. This must give a clue to the special agony of the families of missing people.

Although it still hurts, somehow I know it is natural.

In a way I am glad it hurts. I'm good at sadness. Even on the way home I was flicking through my ipod shuffle searching out the saddest songs. I settled on Always on my mind by Elvis.

I suppose at least I am living a life authentic enough to experience pain like this. At least I tried to love someone. At least I am processing these feelings, rather than trying to fight on without acknowledging them. At least I am a decent enough human being to wish her happiness. I managed to say through a cracked voice when we left that she deserved the best, and I'm glad I managed it because she does.

But I turned away back to my old life and she turned away to her new one, and that was hard. I sometimes have to fight the rising panic of feeling like everyone is making progress and I am going backwards.

I'm not sure what the future holds, but if I am happy with myself then I'm more likely to be happy with someone else. Not certain, more likely. All I can do is think about my best plan, and cling to it.

And for now the plan is to listen to Tom Mcrae.

Tonight I'll walk on water
tonight I'll walk through flame
and sing it to the corner
and still the blood in your veins
til something flickers in me
I feel the motion of light
and slip into the distance
and someone slips into my life
but it ain't you
it ain't you

Bruce is back

2008-01-19T00:00:00.000Z

(a bit late I know)

I lo ve you all like the amusing pens my Granny buys me.

Chris Langham

2008-01-15T23:07:00.000Z

This evening I watched Shrink Rap, where Dr Pamela Stephenson - comedienne turned psychologist - interviewed Chris Langham, the actor who starred in the brilliant Thick of It.

Chris Langham was being interviewed because he had recently been convicted of downloading child porn to his computer and viewing it. He had served a prison term after pleading not guilty to all charges after claiming that he downloaded the images for 'research'. He also claimed that he had been abused as a child.

When the case was going on, I remember taking a hard line on the story, which is unlike me. Langham must have known what he was doing, and as a former vicitm of abuse he must have known the damage downloading such images perpetuates. He deserved everything he got, and more.

Having watched the programme, I now feel differently. I feel desperately sorry for him, and ashamed at my willingness to see things in black and white. Life is so often shades of grey.

I am at a loss to know what conclusion to draw, so let me draw several.

1. The media did not portray all the nuances of this story, which worries me.

2. Television is not a stupid medium.

3. People and life are complex; sometimes seeminly inexplicable actions happen. Where this is illegal, the perpetrator must be punished but sympathy can also be extended simultaneously.

4. Those who recognise these nuances and stand by people irrespective of their wrongdoing are brave.

5. As with the Mark of Cain, and the McCanns, I cannot help but think there but for the grace of God go I.

I am not arguing that he should not have been punished. But then neither is he. I am arguing news stories often get written as much for their saleability as their integrity. I am arguing that we instinctively make shortcuts to certainty.

I am arguing that we must collectively and individually guard against sanctimony, in a nuanced and complex world.

Pewter says what now?

2008-01-14T22:25:00.000Z

So. My lovely brand new Toshiba laptop which I spilt hot tea on in its first week but is now fine - just needed to dry out like som sort of sordid crack addict - came with some pre-loaded Microsoft software.

Now, this is different form what I've used before, cos when I do Word and Excel it's all different menus and stuff. I am pretty sure it isn't Vista, but how do I find out what it is?

And, whilst you're at it, how do I get myself some of this so-called 'software' and what type should I get?

100,000 hours

2008-01-12T10:29:00.000Z

I imagine, if I am really lucky I'll live for another 40 years or so. I might be lucky and it might be 50, but I might be unlucky and it's 20, so let's say 40.

That's 340,000 hours.

Of these, I'll be trying to sleep 8 hours a day. Gulp. 278,000.

I'll also spend 10 years in retirement. And I'll be taking my weekends, thanks. That leaves 186,000 hours.

But I want to know about the hours I have autonomy over. Let's say I'll probably always have daily chores to do - 1 hour a day sounds fair - and I'll probably always have travel to do. Let's say 2 x 45 minute journeys per work day, on average.

I am now down to....guess what?

100,000 hours.

I have autonomy over 100,000 hours. That's it. Then my life will be done. Oh, and during this time, I have to squeeze things in like 1) earning money, 2) having a family, 3) socialising and 4) hobbies. I left out things like 5) blogging and 6) staring into space.

Suddenly I don't seem to have very much time left at all.

So the logical question is, how should I be spending it?

Numbers 20 - 40

2008-01-09T18:08:00.000Z

21. Go to a party dressed entirely in leather, or velvet.
22. Meet Larry David.
23. Eat at The Fat Duck
24. To visit Japan
25. Learn yoga properly
26. Learn a martial art
27. Listen to the Beatles albums one after another dressed only in velveteen.
28. Cycle across the USA, east to west coast
29. Prioritise my time according to principles of positive psychology
30. Write a book based on the experiences of the second world war generation
31. Offer discrete services to targeted section of the population: young, old, deprived, depressed.
32. Be a reliable friend
33. Buy a guest house and offer walking holidays combined with psychological counselling / coaching
34. Learn about wine in depth
35. Sod it; to own a vineyard in California and make quirky wines
36. Know more about plants and trees and nature, innit.
37. To spend a winter in Anchorage, Alaska, writing to old friends
38. Become a Zen snowboarder in Whistler, Canada and live for the moment
39. To raise a family
40. Retain both curiosity and humility as I get old
41. Be green, in both business and personal life. Not as in inexperienced though, environment wise.

Happy New Year

2008-01-01T16:56:00.000Z

So the new year is upon us, and now we look forward to 2008. Only two years of this decade remain. I was impressed by what Seth Godin had to say about this:

Here's a question that you should clip out and tape to your bathroom mirror. It might save you some angst 15 years from now. The question is, What did you do back when interest rates were at their lowest in 50 years, crime was close to zero, great employees were looking for good jobs, computers made product development and marketing easier than ever, and there was almost no competition for good news about great ideas?

Many people will have to answer that question by saying, "I spent my time waiting, whining, worrying, and wishing."

This is why I am so in favour of new year's lists. They get a bad name, but I think this is because of poor execution rather than anything else. Lists represent action and change. They are a tangible attempt to improve our future. In so doing, they symbolise hope. And without hope we are nothing.

Happy 2008.

The Best of 2007

2007-12-31T17:11:00.000Z

The Best....

Day: Visiting Denmark or perhaps meeting my new Bloom partner for the first time
Feeling: Having a purpose - finally
New person: Satara
Old person returned: Laura
Blog Post: ooh - they've all been so good - I liked my tribute to my Grandpa, and Saturdaysand I liked explaining Englishness through lard. But all of my posts have been works of genius to be honest with you.
Other Blog: It's close, but I must pay tribute to Tangential Ramblings for starting me off on this crazy journey
New song heard: The End, Nancy Sinatra or Numb / Encore by Jay Z & Linkin Park
New song: Release Me, by Laura or Foundations by Kate Nash
New album heard: Favourite Worst Nightmare, Arctic Monkeys
New album: Costello Music, The Fratellis
Best running music: 99 problems by Jay Z or Con te partiro by Andrea Bocelli
Song from TV: Business Time from Flight of the Conchords
TV programme: Big Brother and Californication
Comedy: Flight of the Conchords
Best sporting moment: Rugby World Cup. All of it. And beating Chelscum in the Champions League. Again.
Distinguished Achievement Award: Paul McCartney. For I love him still (see below).
Read of the Year: The Saturday Guardian
Journalist of the Year: Robert Crampton or Daniel Finkelstein
Best book: Kite Runner
Non fiction:Meaning Inc
Radio Station: Radio 5 Live
Sports star: Andrew Sheridan

Views of Christmas 2007

2007-12-31T16:32:00.000Z

A lovely Danish forest

Magnificent London - Tower Bridge

Pretty Crimbo lights at Sloane Square

Home - Liverpool - Georgian splendour with earthy pragmatism and liberal helpings of genius. And some cars.

Heaven - Anfield - same thing

My Gran - Xmas Day - WHATEVVA

Rotation Policy

2007-12-30T13:23:00.000Z

Rafa Benitez has this year come under severe criticism for his rotation policy, whereby he rests players from one game to next seemingly irrespective of the form they are in.

I have just replaced my old Liverpool FC calendar, saying goodbye to Dirk Kujt, Liverpool's Dutch striker, and man of December.

My new calendar is now up in its place (I couldn't wait). And guess who is Mr January? That's right, Dirk Kujt.

Is this a subliminal message that Rafa will be rotating less this year and keeping the same team from one month to the next?

Thank you letters

2007-12-29T17:55:00.000Z

Do any of today's ungrateful little shits say thank you any more? None of my little cousins do, the turds. Does anyone?

An article in yesterday's Times suggests that some do, though it is a struggle. I nearly peed my pants when the author persuaded her son to write his laborious thanks and gave him a formula to follow: “Thank you very much for the (blank). I like it very much.”

His aunt reported back that his card to her read, “Thank you very much for the £10. I like it very much.”

Liverpool

2007-12-27T22:42:00.000Z

Back in the 'pool. Went the match. Reds won 4-1. Had a pint with an old Scouser in a pub. Cost about a quid. Saw the folks. Talked about the neighbours caravan (really). Felt the urge to run back to London within about 5 minutes.

The problem with running from something is that it's not authentic. I fear ending up being back in Liverpool, but in the Liverpool of the early 1980s when unemployment was rife, my parents were screaming at each other and I was writing shit poetry about Claire Williams in my room.

But there isn't any chance of that (not the shit poetry - there's every chance of that). What I need to do is understand what role Liverpool plays in the narrative of my life, and acknowledge it.

My Mum was telling me a story about working in the libraries in Merseyside and Cheshire - places of great polarised wealth and opportunity. (Not the libraries so much as the counties). Bear with me on this one.

She was talking about serving the public and everyone was commenting on what a pain it must be. And I made a joke about some of the old bats that come in and say 'Gorrany Catherine Cooookson?' in a big Scouse accent, (cos I used to work there too and I met them). And my Mum laughed but then said 'Yes but I'd prefer them to the posh rude ones' and told us about a middle class woman who refused to pay her fine and was all rude.

And there it is. That's the bit of Liverpool's narrative that stays with me. I'd prefer that too, like my Mum. I'm on the side of the poor ones, the ones who'd give you a cup of tea with their last tea bag. The ones who like Catherine Cooookson.

I don't want wealth if it means I've done nothing in my life to help the underdog. I'm on their side, like it or not. It is part of my narrative, part of me.

And if that doesn't stay with me meaningfully throughout life, if I don't struggle to do something about it, then I've failed utterly.

Happy Christmas

2007-12-21T20:28:00.001Z

So, I am off to Liverpool tomorrow, 'home' for Christmas. I'm going to see Liverpool play Portsmouth and then seeing my Mum and everyone and it will be good.

I love getting the train home to Liverpool. I love the guys who crack open the ales with a glint in their eye just outside Euston. I love the ones who sit near the toilets because it's inevitably packed out. I think they'd sit there anyway, complaining about British Rail even if it was empty. I love the north. I love Liverpool.

And once more I'll be going home as a sort of child-man. No family, not even a job at the moment; I'll get picked up at the station by my Step dad like I was 18 years ago. And I'll expect my Mum to cook for me and I'll barely lift a finger, I'll treat it like a holiday as though I don't know how much work goes into Christmas.

And I know my Mum won't even mind, and everyone will just be pleased to see me, to have me there, home. And I want to tell them how grateful I am, for everything.

Once again I won't.

But I am.

Happy Christmas everyone, back on 27th.

Christmas 2007

2007-12-21T20:10:00.001Z

So, where have we got to? What is the world like this Christmas? In Britain it depends on what sort of mood you're in. I could easily argue that this nation has never had it so good. Decades of continuous growth. Rich. Free. Diverse. Meritocratic as never before.

Yet at the same time, I do sense a growing sense of unease at our health system, the way the major government departments are run, the sense of lawlessness despite falling crime. We are increasingly unequal. Are we happy? Not if the collective self loathing that is celebrity culture is anything to go by.

Maybe this confusion is just my own experience writ large. I found no meaning in my highly paid, secure comfortable job, yet the challenge of doing something I'll be proud of leaves me prone to depression and isolation.

The best conclusion I can reach for myself is that I am at least trying to do something different. It feels like a brave decision. Psychology shows that people don't regret brave decisions, but I'm not sure in my case.

Life's so complicated sometimes that the best conclusion is that if you're really thinking about your life and doing your best to reach your carefully selected goals then that's all you can do. Finally, I suppose I can say I am.

Are you?

Fairytale of New York

2007-12-21T14:47:00.000Z

Dan phone me briefly to ask me to comment on why Fairytale of New York (FoNY) is in fact the greatest Christmas song of all.

I don't believe that it's because the exquisite Kirsty MacColl is dead, though that is sad, or because we have to like the Irish, which I do.

No.

It's to do with contrasts, and our need for them. Humans are, by and large driven by the need for homeostasis; when we have a lot of something, we crave to balance this. I think this extends to emotions. We seek authenticity, not just happy thoughts.

FoNY is a song of contrasts, encapsulating this need for balance and authenticity on a number of levels. It's about love, but also love's close relationship to hate. Despite all that's said, I built my dreams around you. It's about the perfection of Christmas, but a flawed perfection - none of us experiences Christmas as perfect - indeed often the reverse. But isn't that the deal? And this is reflected by the bittersweet contrast between the voices (MacColl can sing, Macgowan can't).

It's also set in New York, the most Christmassy city on earth and itself a city of contrasts. It offers us snapshots of Christmas - the NYPD choir - which is how we remember Christmas; not whole, but in snippets and scenes. Oh, and its soaring, magnificent chorus is Macgowan at his very best, and Macgowan is a songwriting genius.

FoNY sees Christmas for what it really is. Imperfect. We are not simply having a wonderful Christmas time. But it also says that there is a majesty to Christmas that frames and magnifies the human experience. That is what makes FoNY that rarest of songs; authentic and honest.

When I listen to it properly, it makes me sad in the most happy way imaginable.

The same is not true of Dan's other choice All I want for Christmas is You.

Numbers 1 - 20

2007-12-20T20:12:00.000Z

These should be the easiest, for everyone has some long-held ambitions:
1. Live in America for at least a year
2. Own a dog - let's go mad and say a Collie or German Shepherd. Or a big soppy mongrel from the streets
3. Run a marathon in 3:15
4. Run an extreme marathon
5. Do a job I genuinely love which is varied, which I can largely control and which actually helps people in a way I can live with
6. Identify a charitable cause and devote serious time and money to it
7. Be silly as often as possible, and devote myself seriously to the pursuit of silliness
8. Play in a band covering Beatles songs at least once. Even if I have to be Ringo.
9. Start my own business (see 5, but not necessarily the same)
10. Witness a Test Match in India, Pakistan and Sri Lanka (this replaces previous 'play in a test match....'sadly I think my time may have gone)
11. Go to a baseball game
12. Never weigh more than 13 and a half stone
13. Work with / employ great people with great big brains, like this: BIG.
14. Remain friends with people better than I have done so far. I like knowing people for a long time and the feeling of loyalty.
15. See Radiohead play in my local park next Summer.
16. To write one published book.
17. Live in a barn conversion with all modern furniture and nice taps.
18. See Liverpool win the Premiership.
19. To go to Iceland and stay in that ice hotel.
20. Speak a foreign language fluently.

Meaning

2007-12-17T18:15:00.000Z

How important is meaning at work? What I mean by meaning is a sense of purpose; that what you do is important, and that the organisation you work for is doing something inherently meaningful.

Pensionbook

2007-12-17T16:52:00.001Z

I laughed at this and then realised it's probably more interesting than Facebook.

Life lists

2007-12-12T20:59:00.000Z

I do love a good list. I love making them, for they bring order. I love reading them, for they bring reassurance. I love studying them too, and think the psychology of list-making is fascinating. I practically kiss myself when I cross something off them. If I could bathe in lists I would. And I would tenderly nibble their little ears too.

I think you get the gist.

I think lists are the best way to get anything done, to bring happiness to your life, to ensure balance and achievement in one's career and beyond. For what goes down on your list represents how you will live your life*.

There are different types of list.

A daily list is your basic unit of achievement. It is the worker bee, the engine of happiness, containing rough timings of when things get done and in what order. It allows your mind to relax a little.

Subconscious, you can relax for I have proof of my competence here! And no, I have not forgotten milk.

In practice, my staple task-level list is at a twice weekly level. Maybe this speaks of inefficiency, but it works well for me. Let us pay homage to a list here, for all are symbols of aspiration and hope:

A monthly list provides context and meaning. An annual list - so often mocked as new year resolutions - can seem intangible when it is not shackled to the discipline of the monthly list. When it has been disciplined, it is like an Arabian stallion; magnificent and brooding, you must cling to it, for it will take you wherever you want to go, and beyond. The monthly list is the hardest to write, for it must knit the aspirational to the achievable. But it is also the most important, because it demonstrates that you are in charge of your life. Happiness is a choice.

So, why don't I have one for my life as a whole?

I know this is not a new idea - life lists are covered very well at sites like these - but I am going to commit to 50 things to do in my life before I die. And - even better - I am going to share it here with you (and the tiny baby Jesus) through the month of December.

* Unless it is a list of this week's groceries or your all-time greatest England cricket team.

Adverts

2007-12-12T19:49:00.000Z

Of course none of these ads matches my all-time favourite ad, which doubles as a sort of life coach to me whenever I get nervous about all these changes I'm making.

When we shape shirts

2007-12-12T17:24:00.000Z

What I want to know about the magnificent advert below, is whether it is one of a series. I want to know if they "think of guys like Bob, Paul and Steve" when they are doing other things too; perhaps when they are shaping hedges, doing the washing up or maybe soaping themselves down in the tub.

I know I will from now on.

I've been waiting for this moment...

2007-12-11T00:09:00.000Z

This was Ad of the Year, 2007. I still think it's fucking weird, but credit to Cadbury for going with it.

Englishness explained through lard

2007-12-09T11:20:00.000Z

Watched Jonathon Ross last night, with David Walliams talking about how he had to cover himself in lard so that he could swim the channel. (Not to mention Jerry Seinfeld who was also on the show). (Sorry, just re-read that, Jerry wasn't smeared with lard,more's the pity, but he was on the show).

ANYWAY, they showed footage of Walliams meeting the Queen at some reception and mentioning the lard thing when the Queen enquired about how cold it must have been.

'Yes, but it's not as much as fun as you might think' he said, and the Queen laughed.

And I don't think I've seen anything so perfectly resonant of what being English is than that. A brilliant comic, who raised £1m for comic relief by swimming the channel, sitting next to a delicious, bald, gay comic (Matt Lucas), who didn't, explaining how he made the Queen laugh about smearing himself in lard.

A perfect juxtaposition of Englishness.

My advice...

2007-12-08T23:53:00.000Z

Support Hatton. Back Mayweather.

Come on Ricky, do it for the good guys.

Thought for the day

2007-12-08T20:11:00.001Z

What if the hokey cokey IS what it's all about?

I know...

Yeah?

2007-12-08T10:30:00.002Z

Well I had sex with your WIFE!

Did James Bond ever wear one of these?

2007-12-07T19:23:00.001Z

Cognitive dissonance

2007-12-06T23:43:00.000Z

Oliver Burkeman points out that cognitive dissonance can actually be used to good effect.

When salesman offered some cards at 8 for $3, they had a 40% success rate. But when they offered 8 for 300 pennies, they created confusion in the buyer's mind, which they then solved by adding 'which is a bargain'.

This is all a bit NLP if you ask me. But then NLP may have a legitimate effect for all I know. What is certain, and this is the point Burkeman makes, is that the more comfortable we are being uncomfortable, the better off we will be.

This has overlaps with new research which shows that increasing levels of acceptance (the willingness to experience thoughts, feelings, and physiological sensations without having to control them, or let them determine one’s actions), is a major individual determinant of mental health and behavioral effectiveness.

Anyway, here's the article.

Mr Tourette

2007-12-05T22:36:00.000Z

No one said December would be high brow

Fancy stress

2007-12-04T19:46:00.001Z

Another matter of State: I am due to attend the Christmas party of a company I may well work for next year. The party is fancy dress, in the theme of James Bond.

Now, I don't know much about Bond but I do know that going in black tie is pathetic. When I am 80 years old I will not have wanted me to have gone in black tie so that's that. The question is what would I have wanted me to have done?

Bear in mind I will know only one other person and will be mingling with people (many of whom are international sports stars) who may shortly be interviewing / managing me.

I am thinking of going in a full wetsuit with flippers, but did Bond ever wear one?

Any other ideas? And does anyone have a wetsuit?

Signet wrongs

2007-12-04T19:36:00.000Z

I'm not sure about people who wear signet rings. At this stage it is merely a hypothesis so if you are nice and balanced, actually listen to other people and have a pleasant line in self deprecating humour and still wear one, I apologise.

However, in general I find signet ring wearers to be megalomaniac despots with a supreme sense of their own self importance, arrogant buffoons, often toffs and nearly always tedious tossers.

But I am not sure if this rule travels internationally, as one of my (American) lecturers wears one and is truly outstanding and pleasant.

I'd be grateful for a wider view on this: can I place signet rings in my universal signs of the wanker or must I conduct further research?

Poor

2007-12-03T18:36:00.000Z

November is statistically my poorest blogging month ever. A miserable 12 posts as opposed to the 17 in July - I don't need to do a T-test to know this is a significant difference.

But why?

University demands have gone through the roof; I have been socialising like a society Toff (without the cheese) and there has been a big push on 'miscellaneous projects'. The underlying forecast remains good, with productivity up and happiness levels stable at around 7.

The move into the spare room and turning it into my office is paying dividends and this should benefit the blog in the long term too.

In terms of content, I am hoping to increase the amount of both silly and serious content, leaving readers with a woozy sense of unpredictability, along with the usual sexual intoxication.

So welcome to December. This is our first Christmas together as a family, and I can't wait to see your chubby little faces light up as Christmas approaches and we all hurtle towards 2008.

I just wanna...

2007-11-27T23:09:00.001Z

I just wanna do something special for all the ladeez in the world

Energy

2007-11-27T15:06:00.000Z

Chocolate and biscuits do not give you energy. Instead they steal it, like thieves dressed as bank staff.

The best new music

2007-11-25T18:48:00.000Z

I know why you all come here. The insight. The amusing anecdotes. The sexual magnetism. But also I keep you all up to date with the best new music.

Well this isn't new, but it is music. I defy you not to sing along and be happy as i have been ALL DAY. In fact, like a drug pusher at the school gates, here's your first hit: I've included lyrics, below.

Well it's a big big city and it's always the same
Can never be too pretty tell me you your name
Is it out of line if I were so bold to say "Would you be mine"?

Because I may be a beggar and you maybe the queen
I know I maybe on a downer am still ready to dream
Now it's 3 o'clock time it takes for you to talk

So if you're lonely why'd you say your not lonely
Oh your a silly girl, I know I hurt it so
It's just like you to come
And go you know me no you don't even know me
Your so sweet to try, oh my, you caught my eye
A girl like you's just irresistible

Well it's a big big city and the lights are all out
But it's much as I can do you know to figure you out
And I must confess, my hearts in broken pieces
And my heads a mess
And it's 4 in the morning, and I'm walking along
Beside the ghost of every drinker here who has ever done wrong
And it's you, woo hoo
That's got me going crazy for the things you do

So if your crazy I don't care you amaze me
Oh your a stupid girl, oh me, oh my, you talk
I die, you smile, you laugh, I cry
And only, a girl like you could be lonely
And it's a crying shame, if you would think the same
A boy like me's just irresistible

So if your lonely, why'd you say you're not lonely
Oh your a silly girl, I know I hurt it so
It's just like you to come and go
And know me, no you don't even know me
Your so sweet to try oh my, you caught my eye
A girl like you's just irresistible