Bernard Matthews

I am not sure I trust Bernard Matthews.

I am not sure I trust any man whose profit margin depends on a) using as much of a whole animal in b) as many meals as possible.

I can imagine shareholder meetings where they say (dipping their biscuits in the free Bovril) "How can we get more profits Bernard?" and Bernard says "well we have plans to enter the 'Appetiser' market with this exciting new range of dips which we call Cowpate, made with real cowpats, and we have exciting plans to use turkey prostates in a new range of crunchy puddings! Along with our bird flu-infected Turkey Twizzlers this will complete the Bernard Matthews mealtime paradigm." And the shareholders all go wild.

Don’t believe me? Ever noticed how similar blancmange and tripe are, except one is pink? Coincidence? No. It's all the work of Bernard Matthews.