My Mum's coming to town

She's doing a course in London for the library.

Now, my Mum is great – kind, fun, caring, dependable, generally amazing etc etc and a Christian too. EVERYONE likes her, because basically she never does anything wrong and is so kind to everyone.

She sometimes teaches Christianity on this really rough estate in Liverpool. She was telling me at the weekend that they were all swearing and blaspheming at each other (she hates blaspheming) and she simply said ‘Do you mind not swearing in front of me, as it really upsets me?” AND THEY DID!

So now even the local crackheads love my Mum. It's sickening.

Because of course she is my Mother and therefore irritates the shit out of me all the time. Tomorrow I will instantly turn from polite and personable chap to surly teenager, just after I ask how the journey was.

But whenever I moan about her and try and garner support for my cause NO ONE takes any notice and they just say ‘Oh but your Mum is so lovely, how can you say that?’ or ‘what about all that amazing work she does with the yobs?’ or ‘when was the last time you turned around someone’s life?’.

It’s like I’m being picky about Mary Magdalene or Mother Teresa. (No coincidence that Mother Tersea never had children and Mary Magdalene only gave birth to Jesus, who being the risen Son of Man had less to worry about than most in the being compared to perfection arena).

There’s been a lot of research about the damage caused to children by poor parenting (thank God my Dad ran off - at least I don’t come from an unbroken home) but what about the damage from being raised by a Saint? It’s not easy you know.

Footnote:
For those of you raised by wonderful parents who stay together and – heaven forbid – still love each other, I can only offer you the words of the great George Costanza for comfort:

"Divorce is very difficult, especially on the kids. Of course, I'm the result of my parents having stayed together, so you never know."