My New Trainers

All Hail my new trainers!

Come and gather in your towns and in your villages, come and behold their shiny goodness!

I may encase them in special perspex, and invite the poor round to marvel at them, like silver deities!





Or I may take them to bed with me right now and share some tender moments, just the 3 of us.











If it was 1986 I would wear them to the Police Disco and Claire Williams would DEFINITELY fancy me this time instead of just sending me a Christmas card and going out with that lad with the Ford Capri instead. Oh yes! She could not RESIST the new trainers!

I have just been for my first ever run in them and oh but they are lovely. They soothed my feet as I glided (glid?) along the path, like a lemur on ice.

I love you all like tiny baby Panda bears.

Confession

My guilty confession is that I have taken to watching the quite abysmal US drama 'What about Brian'.

It seems that after 35 years, all that time spent in education and management consultancy - not to mention all those swimming badges - my taste in TV extends to watching very, very good looking people speak in cliches to each other.

I love it and I don't care who knows.

Oh - and there's no WAY Marjorie should marry Adam.

Our new Olympic logo

Proud statement of a new and modern Britain, or Lisa Simpson giving head?

















I must say, I don't really care.

Ooh...

that last post has really cheered me up!


HI: 7.5
DI: 0

Saddest songs

Daniel has been speculating on the saddest moments in songs.

The following list compiled the 25 saddest songs in the whole wide world. However, this is a little suspect as it includes Everybody Hurts, whose central premise surely is one of hope?

I need songs without hope I'm afraid. As George Costanza once said it's the hope that kills me - hopelessness is my only hope.

So, my top 10 songs of sheer heartbreak and despair are as follows:

10. For no one - The Beatles (..and in her eyes you see nothing)
9. Dry your eyes - The Streets (Try and pull her close out of bare desperation)
8. Father and Son - Cat Stevems (I know, I have to go)
7. Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley (..it's a cold and broken hallelujah)
6. The River - Bruce Springsteen (I act like I don't remember, Mary acts like she don't care)
5. You're the one - Kate Bush (..there's just one problem...you're the only one I want)
4. Accidental Babies - Damien Rice (Is he dark enough? enough to see your light?)
3. Burn - Ray La Montagne (..and I will stand here, and burn in my skin)
2. No Surprises - Radiohead (a heart that's full up like a landfill..)
1. Hurt - Johnny Cash (I hurt myself today...)

Knackered

One of the things I'd forgotten about work is how knackering it is. That's it really. I think it's the travelling bit. I don't really know why we bother. Can't we all just have a nice sit down and a cup of tea? Perhaps some jam on toast.

Ooh, toast.

Alphagel, Alphamale

I don't use soap or shaving cream to shave, oh no, but 'Alphagel'. Alphagel is not even gel to be honest, but 'Shaving software' with 'shave surface enhancing technology'. Yesiree Bob.

This is matched by my shower gel which is called 'activeSHOWER' which has been 'developed with athletes'. Opposed to, presumably, developing it with the infirm, the crippled or those with smelly discharges.

My deodorant has been changed recently from 'Right Guard' to 'Sure for Men'. Fortunately, Sure for Men has been 'designed to meet the demands of a male body'. Which is nice, because apart from a good run, hot showers, teeth cleaning and the occasional glimpse of nipple, I didn't think my body had that many demands.

However, when I was in the gym today I noticed what the effect of this macho set of responses to the demands of my male body had produced:

I smelt a bit like a packet of Refreshers.