Breakfast Serial Numbers

Dan requested a top 5 breakfast cereals list and I am both pro-list and responsive to customer demand, so here goes.

The first task is to define the terms further. I am therefore making an assumption about the brief, namely that these are the top 5 current breakfast cereals rather than an all-time list which would be equally valid.

Under this assumption, I have therefore discounted the following:

1. Corn flakes - en vogue in the 80s until Thatcher took away the frozen milk due to global warming (I think) and I read a book where a cat spewed out dirty water after nearly drowning and it really made me feel sick in real life.
2. Frosties - a la mode in the 90s and 00s before being outlawed under my GI Diet Reform Laws of 2005.
3. Crunchy nut cornflakes - Frosties for wankers (Peep Show).
4. Coco Pops - I have seen the milk change colour now.
5. Rice Krispies - and I no longer collect Play People.

Therefore:
1. Dorset Muesli with added nuts and fruit - because nothing beats this for GI goodness and you simply don't hit the wall with this inside you.
2. All Bran - I still like its self flagellating quality. It has a sparseness about it that feels like a week in a Buddhist retreat. I feel like I could eat a bowl of this and go and bugger a llama and still be in karmic credit.
3. Sultana bran - because you think it's Bran Flakes and then Lo! A sultana! Like being visited by tiny Fruit Gods.
4. Muesli - Under my Silly Pronounciation Reform Laws of 1998 I promised to always pronounce this moo-sli, and (amongst others) to pronounce monkey as monn-key. It amuses me, and no one else.
5. Kelloggs Just Right - Same calories as Frosties, so it's really Kelloggs Just Wrong. Last had this in a soul-sapping Thistle Hotel, where the only options were a sweaty croissant direct from its morning workout, or, from memory, an aching void of depression, served lukewarm with jam made from the congealed blood of asylum seekers.

DI: 0
HI: 6