Saturday 24 March 2007

Breakfast Serial Numbers

Dan requested a top 5 breakfast cereals list and I am both pro-list and responsive to customer demand, so here goes.

The first task is to define the terms further. I am therefore making an assumption about the brief, namely that these are the top 5 current breakfast cereals rather than an all-time list which would be equally valid.

Under this assumption, I have therefore discounted the following:

1. Corn flakes - en vogue in the 80s until Thatcher took away the frozen milk due to global warming (I think) and I read a book where a cat spewed out dirty water after nearly drowning and it really made me feel sick in real life.
2. Frosties - a la mode in the 90s and 00s before being outlawed under my GI Diet Reform Laws of 2005.
3. Crunchy nut cornflakes - Frosties for wankers (Peep Show).
4. Coco Pops - I have seen the milk change colour now.
5. Rice Krispies - and I no longer collect Play People.

Therefore:
1. Dorset Muesli with added nuts and fruit - because nothing beats this for GI goodness and you simply don't hit the wall with this inside you.
2. All Bran - I still like its self flagellating quality. It has a sparseness about it that feels like a week in a Buddhist retreat. I feel like I could eat a bowl of this and go and bugger a llama and still be in karmic credit.
3. Sultana bran - because you think it's Bran Flakes and then Lo! A sultana! Like being visited by tiny Fruit Gods.
4. Muesli - Under my Silly Pronounciation Reform Laws of 1998 I promised to always pronounce this moo-sli, and (amongst others) to pronounce monkey as monn-key. It amuses me, and no one else.
5. Kelloggs Just Right - Same calories as Frosties, so it's really Kelloggs Just Wrong. Last had this in a soul-sapping Thistle Hotel, where the only options were a sweaty croissant direct from its morning workout, or, from memory, an aching void of depression, served lukewarm with jam made from the congealed blood of asylum seekers.

DI: 0
HI: 6

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

It amuses me

twellve said...

been skipping breakfast most of the time, but will admit to buying the odd box of Chocolate Lucky Charms on occasion. more like candy, really, but i like the colorful marshmallows and mom totally wouldn't approve.

Rob said...

Is that really you Pickle?

twellve said...

meow.